Finding Me (a lifted soul)

I went off to college and I found myself. I found myself in a Philadelphia row house looking into my bathroom mirror as I held a pair of clippers in my hand. I cut each lock off one by one. I could see my pain, my confusion, and most of all I could see the direction of my life. I stared at my bag of dreadlocks, looked back up at the mirror and chuckled as I examined my new haircut. I wasn’t laughing because I finally cut my hair off after 7 years. I chuckled because I finally realized what my life was about. It took 4 ½ years of college and life in another city to come to my senses. I never knew who I really was and what type of person I wanted to become.

As a child I was mostly isolated from the reality of life. I was raised by a single mother. She is a country girl who grew up in a poverty stricken home. My father is a deadbeat, who left my mother and me when I was just a year old. Since I could remember I have communicated with my father only 4 times throughout my life time: once through a phone call, once through a letter, and twice in person which lasted only 10 minutes each. My mother tried her hardest to protect me from all the negative energy this world generated. But that same negative energy has helped me to realize what path I want to take in life. In fact it has helped me become a man. It has helped me make decisions. I have learned there is no good without bad and there is no becoming “good” without seeing the “bad”. How can I be expected to do right without knowing what is wrong?

We live in a world of drug deals, dope addicts, homicides, suicides, filth, poverty, carelessness and hatred; the sources of depression . Looking right through the transparency of all that iniquity I have met the RIGHT people that have motivated me to stir my life in the RIGHT direction; People that have been through more than I have and seen more than I have. Through them, I have taught myself how to be a man in a world confusion and it has been a tough journey, yet I am still learning. I respect myself and I respect others. I am not a gangsta, I am not a pimp, and I have not become a statistic. I am intelligent, I am an innovator and I am an artist. Most of all I am no longer what I was before I went off to college. I am in search of positive energy and I shunt myself away from all negativity. The thing that bothers me the most about young black males and most people my age: is we have a problem showing other people respect. I have seen ego and pride overpower hospitality. I no longer want to be a part of that. I want to enjoy the short amount of time I have left and spend my days smiling. It’s funny because when I was in high school your manhood was on the line if you were caught cheesin’ (smiling hard) in any pictures. For the longest time, I would mean mug in every picture just to prove a point. I have come to realize that being mean and overly aggressive is no way to judge your manhood or even your strength as a person. Now that I am all grown up I have realized smiling is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I often wonder: are people afraid of being happy? Is life not supposed to be fun?

Knowing I will go through ups and downs, I wake up each day with the mentality of overcoming yesterday’s problem. Looking to find a new reason to smile for today because as we all know life is quick and tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Lift Your Soul. R.I.P Jody Joe

-Xperience